Happy Festivus. Seinfeld gave us a comedy masterpiece with Festivus. Frank Costanza shouting, "I've got a lot of problems with you people!" is legendary television. It works because it’s absurd.
But lately, it feels like we are living in a permanent state of Festivus. We are addicted to airing our grievances. We are drowning in lists of problems we have with "the other side."
This holiday season, let's leave the shouting to Frank.
We don't need more grievances. We need common ground. I want to challenge you to try a radical act of kindness: Listen to someone you are convinced is wrong, and find something—anything—to agree on.
Start with low stakes
Let’s start with the lighter side of the culture war.
Maybe you roll your eyes at the Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce saga. Maybe you don't like her music, or you hate the cutaways during the game, and you think the whole thing seems manufactured.
But looking ahead, 2026 appears to be the year Taylor marries Travis.
Instead of defaulting to cynicism, try kindness. Take the time to read some of her lyrics. Find a Swiftie and discuss. She’s written enough where everyone can find one song to relate to. Mine is Love Story. Underneath the pop production, you find a narrative about fighting for a union against the odds. I’m a big fan of marriage. You probably are too.
You can dislike the songs, but still agree that two people committing to build a life together is a beautiful thing. Finding that agreement is a way of saying, "I see what you value," rather than just saying, "I hate what you listen to."
The Real Stakes: Happiness
Why does this matter? Why should you work this hard to find common ground with people who annoy you?
Because your happiness depends on it.
In my book, The Rule of 70: A Single Rule for a Rewarding Life, I dive deep into what actually makes a life worth living. It isn’t being right. It isn’t winning a debate on Facebook. It is the quality of your relationships.
This isn't just a nice sentiment; it is a scientific fact. The Harvard Study of Adult Development has tracked the lives of 724 men for over 85 years. Their findings are definitive: The single clearest predictor of a happy and healthy life is not wealth, fame, or cholesterol levels—it is good relationships.
The study found that people who are more socially connected to family, friends, and community are happier, physically healthier, and live longer. Conversely, loneliness kills; it is as dangerous to your health as smoking or alcoholism.
Deepening old relationships and forming new ones requires common ground. When you choose a grievance over a connection, you are suffocating the very thing that makes life rewarding.
Higher Stakes Issues
Now, let’s apply that relationship-first mindset to a tougher topic.
Jacob Savage recently shared an essay in Compact Magazine. His story went viral. The Lost Generation is about the harm DEI initiatives have done to his cohorts in multiple industries. He highlighted statistics showing how an entire generation of Gen X white men have had careers blocked.
The frustration is palpable. These men feel stalled because leaders in their organizations—often white male Millennials and Boomers—held onto power while trying to satisfy ESG scores, or to avoid looking like a DEI laggard. Many professional men born in the 80s were completely shut out of grad school, employment and promotion in Entertainment, Academia, Tech, Journalism, Medicine, and more, over their race.
If you are on the "other side" of this, it is easy to dismiss their anger. It is easy to point fingers.
But listening is an act of kindness.
When you actually listen to what Jacob Savage is pointing out, you don't hear villains. You hear people who feel the economic ladder has been pulled up unfairly, illegally. You hear people who followed the rules, only to have the rules change mid-game.
Does that sound familiar?
Ignoring meritocracy and shutting out an entire generation of well-qualified individuals for the sake of lesser-qualified candidates will have long-lasting negative ramifications for many industries. Jacob Savage has been a voice for his generation. We all can relate to how he and others were treated.
It is the exact same frustration younger people feel when they complain about the affordability of housing, only to be told by older generations, "stop buying $7 cold brew”, when a house costs 300 years of daily cold brews.
It is the same human story. The recently laid-off 60-year-old with paltry retirement savings and the 28-year-old, unable to purchase a home, are fighting for the same thing: Dignity. Security. A fair shake.
The Kindness of Agreement
There will always be grievances. It requires zero effort to troll the other tribe.
But listening? Digging through the noise to find the human struggle underneath? That is productive. That is kind.
This year, finding agreement isn't about surrendering your principles. It’s about recognizing that the person across the table—whether they are complaining about corporate hiring or pop stars—is a human being worthy of connection.
Let’s find common ground. It’s the best gift you can give to others and yourself. Peace on Earth, Goodwill towards men.
Find agreement and you will be rewarded